Dear scrutineer, here is a quote that really affected me the first time I read it. You might also find that it gives you pause for thought. It comes from Tony Whatling and his 2012 book ‘Mediation skills and strategies’:

“In real-life conflict and dispute resolution…, being listened to and understood emerges universally as almost more important than winning the dispute

Tony Whatling is someone who had a wealth of experience in mediation and is talking here about people involved in sometimes genuinely harrowing situations.

It’s worth reflecting, I think, on how important this insight might be in the context of scrutiny - particularly when scrutineers are trying to build a constructive relationship with executives across what might be a sharp political or even personal divide.

Listening matters of course - but more than that, it matters that the other person knows that they have been listened to.

Just as it matters to us to know that we have been listened to.

In other words, attention needs to be not just given but also demonstrated.

There are a few ways you can do this.

Body language is important of course. We might offer what Nancy Kline calls a ‘listening face’ - a face that “says go on, I’m listening”. Of course, this can be faked but I think we know most of the time when it’s genuine don’t we?

You can also summarise when it’s your turn - this something that Whatling suggests has many benefits - but a sentence capturing what the previous speaker has said at the start of your turn is a very effective demonstration of attention I think.

Another thing you can do is to ‘word match’, in other words, use a distinctive word or phrase that the other person used when you reply. So, if they say a service is ‘performing perfectly’, use this exact phrase in your response to show that you’ve heard their words and that you want to use them.

The beauty of the last two suggestions is that you genuinely have to listen if you are going to make them work. Demonstrating attention is therefore a nice way to help you to listen.

Finally, being listened to may also help to change thinking. As Whatling goes on to say:

“To be with another understanding human being who acts as a sounding board for our own thoughts and feelings; to be able to think out loud and, in so doing, have the chance to reconsider and possibly reformulate our very personal perspectives; these are all examples of one of our most fundamental common needs, particularly at times of conflict.

So, listening and being listened to, is an important part of the scrutiny process - but it’s also clearly something much more profound than that.

If you would like to see/add any comments to this reflection, you can find it on LinkedIn here.